Guest Poems

Mother in Law

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I HAVE A MOTHER IN LAW WHO IS BOTH LOVING AND KIND.
SHE HAS THE POWER TO BLOW MENS MINDS.
AND DESPITE THIS ORDINARY FACT.
IF YOU GIVE HER CHEEK, SHE’LL GIVE YOU A WHACK.

MY MOTHER IN LAW CAN BE QUITE RUM.
I FELL OFF MY BIKE AND HAD A SORE BUM.
THERE’S ONLY ONE PLACE FOR YOU SON IN LAW.
YOU’LL BE KIPPING ON THE DINING ROOM FLOOR.

SHE USED TO BE A NURSE YOU KNOW.
AND LIKE AN ANGEL IN THE DARK SHE WOULD GLOW.
OR COULD IT BE WHEN CAMPING AT MALACKILOOSA
SHE WAS FULL OF BLOODY LAMBRUSCA.

SHE HAS A WAY WITH OUR KIDS.
“SHUT UP – SIT DOWN” SHE WILL SAY
“OTHERWISE I WONT BE BACK UNTIL NEXT MAY”
THE KIDS ALL COME BACK FOR MORE.
UNTIL THEY'RE BIGGER AND SHE’LL PUT EM ON THE FLOOR.

A DRINK OR TWO SHE WILL NOT MISS.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE WHEN SHE’S HIT AND MISSED
SO WHEN OLD MILLSEY IS STAGGERING PAST.
SURE ENOUGH – IRENE’S SMASHED.

A GOOD OLD SPREAD SHE CAN LAY.
THE BEST OF ALL ON ANY SUNDAY.
THE SMELL IS GOOD AND THE PANS ARE HISSING.
AND SURE ENOUGH DAVID’S MISSING.

ANOTHER PROJECT HE BEGAN.
WHEN THE YANKS INVADED JAPAN.
BUT ALL WILL SOON BE RIGHT.
HE HAS BEEN WORKING IN THE NIGHT.
HE’S NOT PHASED BY ANY TASK.
HIS NEXT PROJECT IS A BLOCK OF FLATS.

ecda@btinternet.com Steve

back to Guest Poems index